Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen

The Following is a brief review of Transformers through the eyes of a Michael Bay fan:

Dude! Transformers was fucking awesome man! It was like proper action packed. If you liked the first then you'll love the second even more. There are more fucking huge robots this time round and its also fucking hilarious. The bit where the mum character gets high on campus was awesome. Go see it its proper immense! 5 STARS

Now for the real review:

You may remember 10 years ago the fever pitch of anticipation that awaited The Phantom Menace. The advertising campaign, the merchandise, the legions of fans (myself included) awaiting day by day to see the finished product. Then as it was released the response of fans, critics and casual cinemagoers goers alike ended up being somewhat lukewarm. Of the many issues people had with it there was one that stuck out more than the rest; Jar Jar Binks. A comedic creation so unbelievably stupid who was put there purely for comic relief.

Now you may wonder why I am mentioning The Phantom Menace in a Transformers review. Well its simply because we are once again treated to a character equally stupid as Jar Jar Binks. Twice in fact, twin transformers who spend most of the film tagging along with our main heroes purely for the purpose of cheap gags. It doesn't stop there either we are also treated to a moronic mini robot who transforms into a remote control car, an aged transformer who whines about the modern generation of transformers and many more.

The human cast are equally guilty of this, in fact probably about two thirds of the cast are portrayed as bumbling morons for no particular reason. This leads to a string of really corny gags such as Sam Whitwicky's (Shia Labouef) college room mate running out of a public toilet in a museum with his pants down asking for more toilet paper purely as a distraction. Another moment has Sam's mother on his college campus getting high on weed and humiliating her son. John Tutturo is also a lost cause. Rest assured people the action scenes play second fiddle to the corny gags.

Despite some impressive action set piece there is little in the way of plot. The film has Sam and his hot girlfriend Mikela (Megan Fox) travelling to Egypt to recover a 'Matirx of leadership' in order to save Optimus Prime whilst at the same time Megatron is ressurected and sets about trying to get the films other villain The Fallen to return for whatever reason. This brings me to another problem with the film, The Fallen is meant to be the title character and the focus is supposed to be on him getting vengence yet he ends up playing such an insignificant role and is a completely unmenacing villain. In fact many of the robots whether good or bad barely get anything to do, Autobots Ironhide and Ratchet from the first film merely get a fleeting glimpse. Oh and what the fuck was the deal in Sam going to robo-heaven and being sent back down to Earth?

People may defend this film with such quotes as "Well its just good fun, its hardly trying to be shakespeare is it?" Fair point, however there have been other films that are pure escapist entertainment such as Raiders of The Lost Ark and Star Trek and they havent ended up being shit like this film. Others will say "Its good for what it is!" To those people I say "No its not! Its not! ITS NOT!" It truly is a great shame that 3 out of 4 films I've seen recently have been bollocks, the others being Wolverine and Terminator 4.

This film does boast several action set pieces however even this aspect fails to impress due to the fact that it is intercut with more gags than a Roger Moore Bond film. Even high quality CGI can't possible save this $200 million train wreck.

So There you have it, my most hostile review yet! Sorry to all the Transformers fans. Word has it however that Michael Bay is considering packing this franchise in and letting someone else direct the next installment because apparently he is fed up of being constantly slagged off, gee I wonder why that is. Lets hope they get a proper director in for the next one, James Cameron would be an awesome choice, fingers crossed!

Transformers 2 is nothing more than a hot steaming turd of a film, a blip on a radar of tacky shit films, albiet one that will gross a fortune. This 'product' truly fails as a film. It represent every vile about Hollywood. SHIT! Right that me done griping, I'm now off to watch Batman and Robin and The Clone Wars back to back.

1 STARS

Terminator Salvation

When it was first announced that a Terminator 4 was in the works I wondered why? Do we really need another one? The previous one felt unnessacary, how long can they possibly milk a cash cow for? I then discovered that it would actually be the first in a planned ‘new trilogy’ of terminator films, oh dear I thought. Then it was announced that Christian Bale would be playing the lead character John Conner, which then led me to wonder why after starring as the best Bruce Wayne/Batman he felt the need to take on another franchise role (I later discovered that he reluctantly accepted). Worse of all was the news that McG (yes that’s his name) the man who directed the god awful Charlie’s Angels movie would be de-facing this franchise. I predicted a disaster, yet I had to see it, after all it is Terminator!

After watching the film last night at my local multiplex, I can sadly inform you that my suspicion have been justified. Set in 2018 the film tell the story of Conner (Bale) leading the human resistance in the war against the machines. Stuff blows up and then the film end. However there is another element that is introduced. The film start out in a death row detention cell in 2003 just prior to judgement day where convicted murderer Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) is about to be executed when he is given a second chance of life if he signs his body away to medical science. He then awakes in 2018 without a clue of where he is or what is going on. Eventually he discovers that he is half human/ half machine (yes I just gave away the plot twist just like the trailer does). This proves to be quite an interesting idea and Worthington plays it fairly well although ultimately it proves to be unnessacary and distracts us from the more pivotal characters John Conner and Kyle Reese.

Acting wise the script offers the cast very little to work with. Dialogue consists of such lines like ‘Fire!’ ‘Run!’ and various tactical jargen. Christian Bale is the biggest victim of this, his John Conner is left with virtually nothing of any importance to do and his performance is just plain flat. I’ve always thought he does a good job in any role he plays (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, American Psycho, The Prestige, Empire of the Sun, etc) but here he is just short changed. One cringe worthy moment has him quote the classic Arnie phrase “I’ll be back!” albeit in a completely different manner. I can sympathise with his much publicised on set outburst.

I think what made this film so weak was the script. It has very little emphasise on character, the plot isn’t going anywhere, it felt pointless and was merely just an excuse to show lots of explosions. In other words you might as well have sat and watch a mate play a computer game. Another problem was McG’s inability as a director to tell a story well.

It wasn’t a complete dead loss however. Some of the battle scenes have a real war like feel to them, one thing McG did do well. Anton Yelchin does a sufficient job as a teenage Kyle Reese and Arnie sort of makes a brief appearance at the end of the film.

Overall this film felt thoroughly pointless and can never be regarded in the same manner as any of the other terminator films, which is a shame really.

2 STARS

Star Trek

After the disappointment of X-men Origins: Wolverine Ijust had to return to the cinema and see another film to make up for it. Upon reading enthusiastic reviews I felt Star Trek directed by Lost’s J.J.Abrams might fit the bill. However before I tell you my thoughts on the film I shall enlighten you with the general plot.

The film opens with the birth of James T Kirk (Chris Pine) and the death of his father aboard the USS Kalvin at the hands of the villainous Nero (Eric Bana). We then witness the upbringing of both Kirk and Spock as they enlist in starfleet and train their way onto the Enterprise led by Captain Pike. However upon their maiden voyage they discover that they have walked into a trap as they witness the planet Vulcan under attack. After Pike is captured by Nero and the other Romulans, the Enterprise is left captainless leaving it up to Kirk and Spock to decide on the next course of action. The story develops onwards leading its way up to a suitable spectacular climax. So what did I think of it?

Overall I am wholly satisfied with this film. It is a genuinely exciting thrill ride that truly defines what one might want from a summer blockbuster. This is a refreshing change from previous Trek film (which I enjoyed) and the first time the franchise has elevated itself to a fast paced action adventure. If you only get one film per year that blows you away in terms of action and excitement then this is it.

This is a bold new move for the franchise and not just in terms of action but in terms of direction style as well. J J Abrams has deployed a very modern handheld camera approach very similar to many films of the modern day, a trend very common with directors such as Paul Greengrass. This also applies to the sweeping panoramas of the various backdrops depicted throughout.

Another thing worth noting is the abundance of CGI but rest assured this is CGI done the way it should be making the audience really feel as if they too are part of the adventure, in fact every single establishing shot of the Enterprise is just as sweeping and epic as the last making you as a viewer truly appreciate it for the juggernaut it is.

This film is also a succuss from a casting point of view. Despite initial scepticism from some fans and critics alike Chris Pine has proven that he is capable of filling William Shatner’s boots whilst never trying to imitate him, in fact he brings his own edge to it, portraying Kirk as a reckless, arrogant youngster. Zachary Quinto is pitch perfect as Spock expressing his conflicted inner vulcan/human emotions well whilst also proving to have good chemistry with Pine's Kirk. The story of how they turn from rivals to friends is at the basic core of this story.

Another successful character is Karl Urban as Leonard 'Bones' McCoy portraying the crankiness that DeForest Kelley brought to the role some 40 years earlier. The other regular characters are on top form as well in a script that gives everyone something to do; Uhura features in a love triangle between Kirk and Spock, Chekov proves himself a genius, Sulu becomes action packed and Simon Pegg's Scotty provides the comic relief. In fact the script allows each cast member to play their roles like they are beginners at Starfleet, slipping up on their first day on duty. There is even a moment when the Enterprise fails to go into warp speed as a result of Sulu forgetting to push a particular switch.

The film also boast a number of impressive set piece, one such sequence involves Kirk, Sulu and a crew member in a red shirt (no guesses who dies) fighting atop a planet destroying super weapon whilst the Enterprise faces off against a Romulan warship, an extensive sequence of set pieces that goes on for 20 minutes and never lets up. It is through action sequences like these that Star Trek really hits its stride. Sequences like this, as well as the film’s sense of fast paced adventure make it more akin to the original Star Wars instead on Star Trek.

In fact if one wanted they could pick out similarities between this film and the original Star Wars; farm boy gets caught up on space adventure, there is a bar room brawl, planet gets blown up, main spaceship turns up at the last minute to save the day, oh and there is a snow monster about half way through similar to the wampa monster in The Empire Strikes Back. But rest assured this film is merely borrowing ideas to tell a good story rather than just copying ideas.

Overall this film has proven itself superior to your average Star Trek adventure and I would rank it higher than the superb The Wrath of Khan. Abrams has truly re-invented the franchise whilst jettisoning none of its original charm. I definitely recommend viewing this film. Would it be wrong of me to give this 5 stars?......ah what the hell!


5 STARS

Leonard Nemoy appears by the way. Live Long and Prosper!

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Tonight I went to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a spin off to the X-Men film trilogy telling the story about how everyone’s favourite mutant came to be. The film starts out with Logan/Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) and his half brother Sabertooth/Victor Creed (Liev Scherieber) fighting in various wars over the past 200 years (they don’t age). Eventually they meet General William Stryker played by Danny Huston (Brian Cox in X2) who puts together an army of mutants, various things blow up, Logan and Victor become enemies and eventually Logan becomes the beast that is Wolverine. More things blow up and then the film ends.

This is basically a standard, dull action flick designed purely with the function of telling viewers how the character they had come to know and love became the way he is. The script is hugely un engaging and left me at the point in which I just wanted to leave. The acting is poor and the gags are cheesy, one of which involves Logan in a boxer ring with an obese mutant known as Blob. This scene was incredibly cheesy with cliché fat man gags designed towards the thick demographic.

Being a fan of the X-Men films I was rather disappointed with this film and I would defy anyone who would compare it to X2, a film which I still rank as a brilliant action flick. In all honesty it doesn’t feel at all like an X-Men film. It is more akin to yet another Rambo sequel and has the integrity of a direct to DVD Steven Segal film.

The only pleasure I got out of it was from watching the rather impressive 3 way fight atop a cooling tower between Wolverine, Sabertooth and Deadpool and also from the occasional cameo appearances of various other characters from the X-Men films.

Overall X-Men Origins: Wolverine was largely displeasing. Don’t bother. I have nothing else to say.

2 STARS

Watchmen

Tonight I went to see Watchmen, the film adaptation of Alan Moore’s hugely acclaimed graphic novel (which I’m yet to read). I went in unsure of what to expect due to very mixed reviews. Some critics thought it was superb, others hated it. What follows is my most awkward review of this blog thus far.

Set in an alternative 1985 where super heroes haves been outlawed the film starts out with The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) being thrown to his death, followed by a rather fascinating title sequence, which sets up the basis for the story. Following this we are then introduced to the film’s main heroes Rorschach, Silk Spectre, Night Owl, Ozymandias and the all powerful DR. Manhattan.

The film is essential two things, first it is a film noir murder mystery with the outlawed Rorschach, who believes that someone is targeting costumed freaks. He spends the film searching for clues to uncover who the villain behind the murder is. Secondly it is the story of our heroes coping with essentially being a group of has-beens who now have no place in the world. We are also treated to a series of flashbacks revolving round the previous generation of heroes.

So what did I think of it? Well to be honest despite succeeding in some places the film really didn’t live up its potential and as writer Alan Moore claims it was rather ‘unfilmable’.
First things first; the plot. The plot had potential to be truly interesting and although it introduces a few interesting ideas (e.g a superheroes true place in society) it is largely incoherent and to be frankly honest all over the shop. The films structure is largely a mess (a la Quantum of Solace) and therefore fails to pull you into the story. Eventually we are lead to the films climax, which despite having an interesting subtext to it is executed in a very sloppy manner making the first 2 hours make even less sense whilst also over dosing on CGI. Leaving the viewer somewhat unfulfilled.

In terms of directing Zack Synder is essential an over active fan boy adapting his favourite comic. Like in his previous film 300 he completely over indulges on pointless slow motion, random musical decisions and over glamorised violence, making the action sequences less exciting. He is also being far too faithful to the comic book, so as to not disappoint the small amount of fan boys who have actually read the comic. This is the same mistake he made with 300 and the same mistake Chris Columbus made when he directed the first two Harry Potter films, desperate to fit in as much of the source material as humanly possible.

The film would have worked better had it been more loosely based around the novel as opposed to replicating it frame for frame. In fact maybe if instead of setting it in the 80’s it could have been adapted into a post 9/11 crime epic similar to what Chris Nolan did for the new Batman films.

The film does have it good points however. The cinematography here is absolutely stunning and some of the issues and ideas explored in this film make it a lot more interesting.

Character wise this film has a lot going for it, the character of Night Owl works well because he is portrayed as the every man of the film and the romantic subplot between him and Silk Spectre is fully convincing. Rorschach is also enjoyable to watch, he is portrayed as a chandler-esque film noir detective albeit one with a grudge against the harsh, ran down world that he protects.

The most interesting character however is Dr. Manhattan, the only hero in the film who appears to have genuine super powers. He is a man who has no understanding of human compassion and often questions their importance in the universe. It is not till the end of the film the he looks into Silk Spectre’s mind that he finally understands human compasion. Worth taking note is his superbly executed origin story, which is told in a flashback.

So there is my verdict on Watcmen, largely disappointing but with a hand full of good ideas that just about manage to keep it afloat. Not terrible but could have been so much better. The Phantom Menace of 2009.

Pseudo-intellectuals will love it and the sound track is impressive.

3 STARS

Gran Torino

Tonight I chose to see Gran Torino, a social commentary film written, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood in what will apparently be his acting swansong.

The film starts out with the now widowed Walt (Clint Eastwood) living at home by himself in what has become a rough Korean neighbourhood, full of crime, violence and gang culture much to Walt’s dismay as he once served in Vietnam and has had a racist stigma ever since. After Walt inadvertently save Thao, his young Korean next door neighbour from a gang of thugs he is crowned a reluctant neighbourhood hero. He soon develops an understanding for other cultures and start to teach Thao how to be a man eventually befriending him and letting him drive his 1972 Gran Torino (a car that represent an era long gone, an era when Eastwood was younger).

The thing that most appealed to me about this film was the opportunity to see Clint Eastwood acting again, this time now as a very old man and long since his heyday. Overall Eastwood nails the role, portraying Walt as a bitter, twisted, cynical, old misanthropist. A man who frowns upon the modern society, especially his good for nothing grand children and the ethnic gang culture that now plagues a once pleasant neighbourhood. Another thing notable about Clint's performance is how he manages to generates sympathy for the elderly showing how they are viewed by the younger generations as utterly dependant.

With Eastwood’s character the film successfully explore the issue of how war veterans perceive the ran down society they fought for, how they will always have to live with what they’ve been through and how they will never have a full understanding of other cultures due to this.

One thing worth pointing out is the abundance of racial slurs uttered largely by Eastwood Himself throughout. In the 2 hour running time he manages to offend blacks, Jews, Christians and most of all Chinese people. However this film succeed at making each and every slur slightly funny therefore causing no offence to any viewers. It is through the audiences understanding of Eastwood’s character that the film achieves this.

This film shares similarities with American History X (1998). Both films deal with racial intolerance and the effect that is has on society and like America History X this film end on a rather bleak note, which in all honesty may by quite shocking to an audience (in a good way).

I would highly recommend Gran Torino to someone looking to watch a film with more meaning to it, especially since the next few months will be filled with shoddy, pointless franchise cash ins (terminator 4 anyone?). Enjoy it whilst you can, this film is just like the radio advert says “It’s like Dirty Harry never went away”.

4 STARS

Bolt

For my next film this year I decided to go for something more light hearted and simple. I therefore chose Bolt. The computer animated film about a dog (John Travolta) who truly believes that he has super powers not realising all along that his life revolves around a simple television show and that he has no such powers. After Bolt accidently ends up in the real world and on the other side of America he teams up with a cat called ‘Mittens’ and a hamster called ‘Rhino’ to journey from New York to Hollywood to re-unite Bolt with his owner (Miley Cyrus).

When you boil this film down it is essentially a road movie in which along the way Bolt truly discovers his real self. One interesting thing about this film is that it applies a very interesting concept similar to that of 1998’s The Truman Show in which the main protagonist believes in a false reality, much to the amusement of many of the supporting character.

Overall this film is your typical animated adventure for children. It uses similar narrative techniques to such Pixar classic as Toy Story and Finding Nemo. However it never lives up to their ingenuity or freshness and the humour is also rather cliché (although at my viewing there was a middle aged woman in hysterics).

In all honesty the only reason I chose to watch this was because it is presented in 3D and I had never seen a 3D film before. This was quite an interesting way to watch the film, especially during more dynamic camera shots. However this particular film didn’t offer much extra for 3D viewers, in fact some of the most impressive shots featured in the trailers. The only other alternative was My Bloody Valentine but there was no hope in hell I was going to watch a cheap tacky teen horror out of choice.

Although I like the idea of 3D I fell that the films shown using it are more akin to fair ground attractions. One hopes however that George Lucas will finally get round to re-releasing his Star Wars saga in 3D (without pointless tinkering please George).

Overall Bolt was yet another solid example of animated cinema, one with a few interesting ideas.

3 STARS