The Following is a brief review of Transformers through the eyes of a Michael Bay fan:
Dude! Transformers was fucking awesome man! It was like proper action packed. If you liked the first then you'll love the second even more. There are more fucking huge robots this time round and its also fucking hilarious. The bit where the mum character gets high on campus was awesome. Go see it its proper immense! 5 STARS
Now for the real review:
You may remember 10 years ago the fever pitch of anticipation that awaited The Phantom Menace. The advertising campaign, the merchandise, the legions of fans (myself included) awaiting day by day to see the finished product. Then as it was released the response of fans, critics and casual cinemagoers goers alike ended up being somewhat lukewarm. Of the many issues people had with it there was one that stuck out more than the rest; Jar Jar Binks. A comedic creation so unbelievably stupid who was put there purely for comic relief.
Now you may wonder why I am mentioning The Phantom Menace in a Transformers review. Well its simply because we are once again treated to a character equally stupid as Jar Jar Binks. Twice in fact, twin transformers who spend most of the film tagging along with our main heroes purely for the purpose of cheap gags. It doesn't stop there either we are also treated to a moronic mini robot who transforms into a remote control car, an aged transformer who whines about the modern generation of transformers and many more.
The human cast are equally guilty of this, in fact probably about two thirds of the cast are portrayed as bumbling morons for no particular reason. This leads to a string of really corny gags such as Sam Whitwicky's (Shia Labouef) college room mate running out of a public toilet in a museum with his pants down asking for more toilet paper purely as a distraction. Another moment has Sam's mother on his college campus getting high on weed and humiliating her son. John Tutturo is also a lost cause. Rest assured people the action scenes play second fiddle to the corny gags.
Despite some impressive action set piece there is little in the way of plot. The film has Sam and his hot girlfriend Mikela (Megan Fox) travelling to Egypt to recover a 'Matirx of leadership' in order to save Optimus Prime whilst at the same time Megatron is ressurected and sets about trying to get the films other villain The Fallen to return for whatever reason. This brings me to another problem with the film, The Fallen is meant to be the title character and the focus is supposed to be on him getting vengence yet he ends up playing such an insignificant role and is a completely unmenacing villain. In fact many of the robots whether good or bad barely get anything to do, Autobots Ironhide and Ratchet from the first film merely get a fleeting glimpse. Oh and what the fuck was the deal in Sam going to robo-heaven and being sent back down to Earth?
People may defend this film with such quotes as "Well its just good fun, its hardly trying to be shakespeare is it?" Fair point, however there have been other films that are pure escapist entertainment such as Raiders of The Lost Ark and Star Trek and they havent ended up being shit like this film. Others will say "Its good for what it is!" To those people I say "No its not! Its not! ITS NOT!" It truly is a great shame that 3 out of 4 films I've seen recently have been bollocks, the others being Wolverine and Terminator 4.
This film does boast several action set pieces however even this aspect fails to impress due to the fact that it is intercut with more gags than a Roger Moore Bond film. Even high quality CGI can't possible save this $200 million train wreck.
So There you have it, my most hostile review yet! Sorry to all the Transformers fans. Word has it however that Michael Bay is considering packing this franchise in and letting someone else direct the next installment because apparently he is fed up of being constantly slagged off, gee I wonder why that is. Lets hope they get a proper director in for the next one, James Cameron would be an awesome choice, fingers crossed!
Transformers 2 is nothing more than a hot steaming turd of a film, a blip on a radar of tacky shit films, albiet one that will gross a fortune. This 'product' truly fails as a film. It represent every vile about Hollywood. SHIT! Right that me done griping, I'm now off to watch Batman and Robin and The Clone Wars back to back.
1 STARS
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